Friday, May 28, 2010


(...background music "Chasing Pavements" by Adele...)

It is a long weekend here in Bintulu. When I say long, if you were to take 2 days off next week, you will be spending one and half weeks on leave. Isn't it awesome? Well yours truly, didn't take the much needed rest just because there is a lot need to be done and completed.

With great power, comes great responsibility. A phrase that well describe the situation I am in at the moment. Last month, I have been promoted to a senior position in a way. So, I am expected to live to the expectations. On top of that, I need to rise to the occasion as I have been told of my appraisal rating. A bitter sweet situation. Let me put it this way, not many people has achieved this rating. Did I deserve it? If this was asked to me, my answer would be NO! But as my boss told me, the management saw something else. Hope it is the contribution and not the persona.

Overwhelm, would be an understatement to describe the feeling. I am to the point of emotionally and physically paralyzed with the current situation. So, how am I supposed to move forward? I am not sure, I have tried taken breaks, but it was not successful. I am still in the rut.

So what's next? I believe I cannot take this psycho babble and it is time for tough love. The phrase that I like to use, "Suck it up and move on". At the end of the day, I shouldn't be disappointing people who have given me opportunities upon opportunities to grow as person. A lot of thinking need to be put into place.

With that I have made a conscious decision not go back during this long break and to catch up or even finish as much work as possible. After finishing what I have to do, I will start on certain projects that would make me more happy. What will it be? I am not sure. Just wait and see.


Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Power of Words

(...background music Travie MacCoy - Billionaire...)

Indeed it has been sometime I post an entry to my blog. It is not because I have nothing to bitch about, it is just that I am so effing lazy. Basically tonight I force myself to post this entry. The reason behind it, is just there is so much things going through my mind that I need to release a few so that I can feel much more calm.

Anyways, this entry is about words. There is a saying that, "The pen is mightier than the sword". Too many belief it is true. This idea of talking about this subject is because I came across this episode of "Oprah" where she was interviewing Jay-Z. There was a point in the discussion that both disagree about something. The disagreement was on the usage of the N word.

According to Oprah, it should never ever be used as it is so degrading and just plain obscene. On the contrary, Jay-Z said that the N word is only powerful, if we acknowledge its power. It got me thinking, who is right on this subject matter?

Does this mean that any degrading words, if we do not acknowledge its meaning, it is just like any other normal word e.g. Hello? Or regardless whether the acknowledgment is there or not, an obscene word is an obscene word?

I am actually still unable to answer this. Maybe someone can provide their two cents?