(...background soundtrack by Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out Of My Head...)
Yeah yeah I know that this time around the background music is so 'house' but I kind of like it. It is one of those guilty pleasures.
Anyways back to the topic. This statement or phrase came across while I was browsing through Facebook. One of my friends wrote this as his status. It describe perfectly the situation that I am in at the moment.
Have you ever felt the burden of living up to certain expectations? Well I have in the past where as the principal's son, I am expected to behave and perform academically at the highest of standards. It was a stressful moment in my life but it do not come close to what I am feeling at the moment. Still in the flashback, it was so stressful that I had migraine when I was in Primary 6. On top of that, I need medication to cope with my stress. How awesome was my childhood?
It was from bad to worse when in the university years, where I was even once hospitalized. But all in all, I still have that fighting spirit of never ever giving up.
Fast forward to the exact moment where I am now. The pressure and stress are piling up. Great things are expected of me. I have not felt to the extend where I need medication like previously but I started to feel the tenseness in my neck and shoulders, as if the weight of the world is on it. The only different thing this time, I feel like giving up. I keep on asking myself why?
I still have not figured it out, but I believe is because I am afraid of failing. It sucks to fail. Quoting Thomas A. Edison, "I have not failed. I have found 10,000 ways that won't work". This is a matter of perception. If you as optimistic as he was, then you would believe it. But I am the total opposite of that. So how do you change a perception which is cultivated when you were small?
The way forward to this, I believe, I need to find that fire again. I need to be strong to face the storm and need to stop thinking of the outcome.
Note to self: Do what you think is right and fuck the rest!