(...background music; Leona Lewis - Run...)
People think that being in my place it is easy. They thought that everything is easy for me. What's up with this entry? Well this is because currently I am going through my appraisal. It is the time when people start to justify why they should get the best rating. It also the time when a group of people will start to paint a great picture on their accomplishment but instead they have done nothing. I FUCKING HATE THOSE PEOPLE!!!
Unfortunately, based on my unofficial survey, I have become one of those fuckers! This really saddens me. This all happened when I asked people to be honest with me by asking them, "What rating should I get?" I am OK with honesty saying that, "I believe based on my observation, you are just meeting expectations". I am fine with that statement because I know that I have done nothing much this year. But the most hurtful part is when it seems that majority of the people think that I have been rewarded all this while just because the highest management knows me. That made all the blood, sweat and tears that I have given to my work all this while to be worthless.
The truth is, I never asked for any of this to happen to me. I never wanted the highest of the management to know who I am. It is just happened. I had a feeling that this is what most people felt about my success all this while (because management know who I am), but to hear it is the most hurtful I have ever felt so far in my career. "Well if you are being put as a just meeting expectations, how about the rest? This is because we will be compared to you. So, in a way you have to be exceed expectations (subtext: even though you are not), for us to be exceeding expectations".
I am deeply sadden by this. I seriously don't know what to do? God, please give me strength.