What I Learned When I Was in Bintulu Last Week

(...background soundtrack by George Micheal - Freedom! '90...)

I had a very interesting journey going back to the place where I started off my career. This was where I learned the through meaning of Independence. Why you say? Well I had spent most of time in close proximity to my parents. So at the back of my head, I have my security blanket in which I can easily fallback to in the time of needs.

However, being apart by the South China Sea was a good thing in my opinion. It jerked me off my comfort level and being thrown in the deep to survive. I think I did not do that bad...again this is just my opinion.

Anyways back to the context of this entry. I went there to work on something but on top of getting it sorted out, I also had been surprised of the additional things that I have gained as well. This all happened when I met up with one of my closest friend there.

I used to know him as a pretty 'naughty' which was fun. However lately, I sensed that he might have changed to the better. Well, I am right as indeed he has changed for the better and I am happy for him. He is know more reserved. I believe as human being, this is what I would like to be.

We had two dinner sessions and I am happy to say that the topic of discussion is pretty enlightening. We talked about religion and life. I am so happy for it because I believe I have gained few new perspective about life in the context of Islam. This got me thinking that dakwah doesn't necessary mean that it need to be in the mosque or in any formal environment. Talking about religion in a very informal manner is a premise where those ideas are easily embraced.

After that lovely discussion, my brain went into over drive thinking about the whole idea of Islam that it should not be separated from every day life. Then I got a few points to ponder:

• Why are there people that do not practice what they preach?
• By asking the first question, what went wrong?

I have encountered this type of people in real life when they project that they are religious but when it is required for them to do so, they become totally different. Why is that? Why do people still not knowing the true meaning of Islam although they projects that they are more well verse in Islam compared to others?

One thing that bothers me is hypocracy. But it is not my place to say anything or is it? They do not really teach you in school how to manage this. Seriously I feel socially inempt. But may the teaching of Islam would able to show me the way forward. I really hope so cause I am not sure how much longer I can keep quiet on the fakeness of others.

Will know what the outcome is...until next time...

Starting Fresh...

(...background soundtrack by Birdy - Skinny Love...)

It has been 2 years since I posted anything. I thought they have disabled my blog, but to my surprise it is still ALIVE!!!!

Like I said 2 years has passed since my posting and suddenly today I feel the need to write something. I am not sure what gotten into me, but maybe turning 30 last Wednesday had me thinking of the years that I have been on God's earth and what have I achieved.

Certain colleagues told me that, "No! You should not think like that. It is showing that you are not grateful of what Allah has given you". Is this true?!! I thought the whole idea of being here as Allah's servant is to keep asking these questions:

What have done so far as Allah's servant?

I have a strong conviction to believe that this is what every person on earth should ask. Yes in my case it can be a bit depressing, but I believe that this could make you want to strive more to be a better person.

I believe the sudden melancholia surrounding me is because I have been grounded by a certain turn of event. An event that I wish I never known. This really put perspective to the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss".

As a pessimist it is difficult to believe in the bright side. Not impossible but difficult. It is just the nature of the pessimist to always to expect bad news and whenever something good happen, we are so awkward and clumsy emotionally.

So it is difficult to be positive when you know at the back of your mind that nothing good will happen to you. I am so fucked up! LOL!

Now, after all that has happened, I am trying my best to find the silver lining. A friend told me, "Start the fire. If the fire is dying, throw anything into it to ensure that the fire keeps on burning". I do believe that, and this is what I am doing by writing today. To keep the fire burning.

I think that I need to believe that I am here on earth is to be a good servant to Allah. Along the way the materials gathered are just tool to be good servant. By knowing what I know now from the turn of event, I should believe that Allah has plans for me and only he knows what best for me. 

What I need to do is to keep Him close and continue to strive to be the best that I could be.

Until next time...