Starting Fresh...

(...background soundtrack by Birdy - Skinny Love...)

It has been 2 years since I posted anything. I thought they have disabled my blog, but to my surprise it is still ALIVE!!!!

Like I said 2 years has passed since my posting and suddenly today I feel the need to write something. I am not sure what gotten into me, but maybe turning 30 last Wednesday had me thinking of the years that I have been on God's earth and what have I achieved.

Certain colleagues told me that, "No! You should not think like that. It is showing that you are not grateful of what Allah has given you". Is this true?!! I thought the whole idea of being here as Allah's servant is to keep asking these questions:

What have done so far as Allah's servant?

I have a strong conviction to believe that this is what every person on earth should ask. Yes in my case it can be a bit depressing, but I believe that this could make you want to strive more to be a better person.

I believe the sudden melancholia surrounding me is because I have been grounded by a certain turn of event. An event that I wish I never known. This really put perspective to the phrase, "Ignorance is bliss".

As a pessimist it is difficult to believe in the bright side. Not impossible but difficult. It is just the nature of the pessimist to always to expect bad news and whenever something good happen, we are so awkward and clumsy emotionally.

So it is difficult to be positive when you know at the back of your mind that nothing good will happen to you. I am so fucked up! LOL!

Now, after all that has happened, I am trying my best to find the silver lining. A friend told me, "Start the fire. If the fire is dying, throw anything into it to ensure that the fire keeps on burning". I do believe that, and this is what I am doing by writing today. To keep the fire burning.

I think that I need to believe that I am here on earth is to be a good servant to Allah. Along the way the materials gathered are just tool to be good servant. By knowing what I know now from the turn of event, I should believe that Allah has plans for me and only he knows what best for me. 

What I need to do is to keep Him close and continue to strive to be the best that I could be.

Until next time...